Investing HumorABC on Investing
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Investing Humor

Famous last words | Futile Advice | Investing Humor | Terms and Jargon | Jokes


Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economics.
John Kenneth Galbraith

Value of Money

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen

Einstein goes to heaven

Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. "I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it's the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others" he is told by the doorman.

Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. "See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!"
"Why that's wonderful!" Says Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!"

"And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!"
"Why that's wonderful!" Says Albert. "We can discuss physics!"

"And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!"
"That Wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!"

Just then another man moves out to capture Albert's hand and shake it. "I'm your last room mate and I'm sorry, but my IQ is only 80."
Albert smiles back at him and says, "So, where do you think interest rates are headed?"


Where large sums of money are concerned, it is advisable to trust nobody.
Agatha Christie

Would you have invested?

10 signs you think about your portfolio too much

1. You gave your broker a gift on the fifth anniversary of the day you opened your brokerage account, but forgot to give your wife anything on your wedding anniversary.
2. You tell your children they can't go to college because you are convinced you can make another 15% on their education accounts when the market turns around.
3. You go camping, a bear attacks you, and your insurance has run out. You have a choice between selling your Microsoft stock or paying for an operation to save your leg. You choose the stock.
4. When asked to speak at your graduation, you recite line-for-line Gordon Gekko's "Greed is Good" speech.
5. You miss your business partner's funeral because Cisco is releasing its earnings report... After all, if he was still alive, he would want you to carry on with business as usual.
6. You make your sixteen year old daughter get a job at a little-known manufacturing company in the hopes she will hear something and give you valuable insider trading tips.
7. After a company has a disappointing quarter, you throw all of their products out of your house in anger and call your extended family, demanding they do the same.
8. The Dow Jones drops 10% or more. You demand your family skip one meal a day so you can quickly raise cash to buy stock at the new, cheap levels.
9. You wander the house on Saturday and Sunday because you have nothing to do. Every hour, on the hour, you loudly announce to the house the time remaining until the stock market opens.
10. Your broker has issued a restraining order.

Clever girl

A little girl visits a watermelon farmer. She points to a large watermelon and asks the farmer how much it is.

He says, "That one is three dollars."

The little girl says, "But I've got only thirty cents."

The farmer points to a small watermelon in his field and say, "How about that one?"

The little girl: "Okay, I'll take it, but leave it on the vine, and I'll be back to get it in a month."

Corporate Earnings

Earnings Management

investing money

Importance of Timing

One should buy stock when it is cheap. Wait for it to go up and then sell. If it does not go up, don't buy it.
Randall Price

Fantastic Bubbles that Popped

The Investing Bride

A young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $10 for their first love-making encounter. In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it was a cute way for her to buy new clothes, etc.

Arriving home around noon one day, she found her husband in a very drunken state. Over the next few minutes she heard of the ravages of financial ruin caused by corporate downsizing and its effects on a 50 year old executive.

Calmly, she handed him a bank book showing deposits and interest for 30 years totaling 3 million dollars. Pointing across the parking lot she gestured toward the local bank while handing him stock certificates worth 40 million dollars and informing him that he was the largest stockholder in the bank. She told him that for 30 years she had charged him each time they had sex, and this was the result of her investments.

By now he was distraught and beating his head against the side of the car. She asked him why the disappointment at such good news and he replied, "If I had known what you were doing, I would have given you all of my business!"

Famous last words | Futile Advice | Investing Humor | Terms and Jargon | Jokes

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